River City Piracy

The Seedy Underbelly of the 1920's Carnival Circuit

2011-05-16T06:29:00.001-05:00

It was a cool and rainy night so I didn't think too much of the heavy mist as I was walking down the street. Looking for something to occupy my time, I stumbled into an old ballroom left over from the Roaring Twenties. The building has been abandoned for quite some time, but tonight there were lights, people and energy emanating from it, igniting my curiosity.

Instantly upon entering I was swept away from thoughts of my mundane existence. It was a frenzy of freaks, geeks, magicians and show girls, all topped off in very fine hats. They hawked and peddled their wares to the crowd that had gathered while the smells of carnival food mingled with the cat calls in the air showing that they had what was needed for any hunger you may have had. It was as if I entered the seedy underbelly of the 1920's carnival circuit.

There was obviously a show planned for the center stage, so I found a drink and a table and settled down to see what I was in for. As I sat there people watching I was joined by a lovely lady who looked as out of place as I felt. Seeing the opportunity to have someone share in my bemused perception, I offered her a drink. She took a seat at my table and the night was looking up already.

It wasn't long before we were warned of the show's beginning with the usual light flickers and the roar of the crowd faded out. As if on cue my new lady-friend leaned into me, encouraging me to wrap an arm around her for the show. I wasn't entirely sure if she wanted to cuddle or just felt uncomfortable with the feral man on a leash nearby, but I wasn't about to complain.

Then it started.

Running and dancing and swirling through the crowd were characters straight out of a carnival sideshow, or my nightmares, I hadn't decided which. Even though nothing about the night felt remotely real, I had to concede the fact that I had clothes on while most of the women were in their underwear so there was no way this could be a nightmare. Rationalization more than reasoning maybe, but it made me feel better momentarily.

Throughout the night I saw performances that both disturbed me and stirred up feelings of lust and amazement, sometimes all at the same time. My new friend seemed to be motivated by pure lust, making it easy for me to decide which emotion to concentrate on. We needed to be alone.

I asked if she would care to join me on a walk, took her hand and started looking for a way out, planning on heading back to my place down the street. I thought I knew how I got in here, but could not find my way back to the door. There was no paranoia yet, since I had been drinking I just blamed the spirits and went on wandering through the crowd of stilts and pasties.

After wandering, drinking and mingling more, she finally pulled me in another direction, taking me into a tent in the back. She obviously had the same mindset as me and found an immediate solution. Once we were alone, she had about as much self-control as I did. We ripped each other's clothes off as the passion of the night consumed us.

Wrestling, writhing and melting into each other, we gave in to our animal instincts. There was no thought, only feeling, and the rest of the insanity was suddenly miles away. While she lay in my arms as I cradled her once exhausted, I noticed them. In place of nipples she had pasties.

She was one of them.

I tried to run, to find the way out. Everywhere I turned were more sideshow freaks blocking my path. Gradually, the urge to run faded and acceptance worked its way in. I was swept back in a wave of chanting and singing. The sounds were musical noise while the air was filled with the scents of lust, liquor and manimal. Then, as suddenly as it all had begun, it was over.

I found myself lying on the ballroom floor, surrounded by broken tiles, crumbling walls and pieces of chandelier. The old building looked like it had always looked again, old, run-down and abandoned. The exit, no longer hidden from my view, was wide open. While walking home, I wondered if any of it was real.

I certainly hope so.

Opening Weekend of Ren Faire!

2011-05-12T02:29:00.000-05:00

This weekend (May 14 & 15) is the opening weekend of the Greater St. Louis Renaissance Faire in Wentzville. I won't be able to make it, due to being on-call for my mundane job, but I will be there the final three weekends including Memorial Day. I'm not as bothered by this as I would have been in the past.

Opening weekend of ren faire has always been like a homecoming of sorts for me, in the past. A time to see all the friends that I haven't seen since last faire, or more recently, since Pirate Fest. It's different this year, but not in a bad way.

This year I know faire is coming up fast, and normally the anticipation would have brought me out to a couple site visits by now, but I just don't feel the need. Don't get me wrong, I love faire and am really looking forward to when I can go. I just don't feel like I'm missing out on something important by missing opening weekend and I figured out why.

Ren faire has always been where I fit in the most. In this past year, we have grown closer to our friends from faire, some of them to the point where we're family. I've seen everybody from faire several times throughout the year, some of them as much as once a week, some every day. I think this is why my levels of anticipation are not as demanding this year.

It's not that I'm no longer looking forward to faire, it's that faire is not all I have to look forward to anymore. Thank you, everyone.

Rain... Must be Faire Season

2011-04-27T05:36:00.000-05:00

It's coming up shortly! The Greater St. Louis Renaissance Faire starts May 14th and runs weekends and Memorial Day through June 5th.

We seem to be having a very rainy April this year. Let's hope that means these storms will leave us alone in May. We haven't had the best luck in the last couple years where weather is concerned. Hopefully this year we can stay open every day.

I will not be out there until the second weekend this year, due to being on call with my mundane job. That means I'll be in town for the Show Me Burlesque Festival May 12-14 so Friday night I'll be seeing our own Allura Fette at The Crack Fox! Then that Saturday I'll be at the Casa Loma Ballroom for Carnivalesque and Beggar’s Carnivale. You can get ticket packages in advance that come with fun extras. 3 nights and 5 venues, you can decide what shows you want and buy the appropriate package or wing it and buy tickets at the door, though you can be sure some, if not all, will sell out.

Then it's time for Ren Faire when I'll be out at Rotary Park in Wentzville again to drunkenly insult you and steal your woman, so come on out and buy me a drink!

New this year, cheaper tickets from the Internetz!!! Just buy tickets online for a bigger discount than the coupons are offering.

I'll see you there!

Hopefully before you see me making off with your coin.

A Fun Night in Store

2011-04-21T22:37:00.001-05:00

Tonight is date night for Lori and me. We're going to see Your Highness at Ronnies 20 as soon as she gets off work. I'm just drinking a beer now after eating before heading to the theatre.

After that we go home to an empty house full of sexual hunger and possibilty.

An Intriguing Proposal

2011-04-13T06:48:00.000-05:00

I finally did it. Now I can stop being secretive about everything.

Lori and I are engaged.

It finally went down at the Crack Fox April 9, 2011 during Subversion- Pirate Booty Edition. The Musical Blades were playing and all of our friends were either in the audience or in the show. When it became time for the Musical Blades second set they called a bunch of girls on stage to have a contest to see who can give the best "Arrrrrr".
Lori, somehow, ended up winning that contest. To present her with the prize, I clumsily made my way onto the crowded stage and said, "Since you have proven to be the best pirate here, will you sail with me as we chase that horizon together?" She never did say yes, just started kissing me.

She has been wearing the ring, though, so I think it's official.

Excitement in the Works!

2011-03-31T06:12:00.000-05:00

Yes, I've been neglecting this corner of the sea for a while. But I have a new site now and that should be incentive enough to write more.
There is a lot coming up to keep me busy. On April 9th we will be at Subversion: Pirate Booty Edition with the after party at The Crow's Nest! That will be a wonderful way to tide ourselves over till ren faire starts in May.
During the time between we should probably try spending more time looking for a new port of call between Subversion and ren faire, since we'll be needing to move when faire is over.

Hey, who put this blog here?

2010-12-11T18:55:00.000-06:00

I may have forgotten I had my ship's blog set up here and have been forgetting to update. Sorry, it'll probably happen again.

Anyway, tonight I'll be donning my space pirate garb for the Browncoats concert at The Crack Fox in the port of St. Louis, MO. Official details at this link.
Hope to see a lot of Browncoats supporting their local geeky music scene.

Weather's Warm and the Winds are Right

2010-04-13T20:22:00.000-05:00

The ren faire season is already here for some, starts next month for me. This warm weather is making me yearn for the crowded paths, haggling merchants and friendly faces at the pub.

St. Louis ren faire starts May 15th and runs for 4 consecutive weekends plus memorial day. Hopefully I'll see everyone I know and meet some new people open to a little piracy.

2010

2009-12-31T14:16:00.000-06:00

A new year is threatening us on the horizon bringing a full, blue moon with it tonight. May the new year bring more treasure than the last.

Jefferson City Ren Faire

2009-06-19T12:52:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I'll be storming the landlocked town of Jefferson City for their one-day ren faire with me bonnie lass. If'n anyone be in the area, I'm sure it's a small enough faire that we'll run into each other.

Greater St. Louis Renaissance Faire 2009

2009-05-21T15:10:00.001-05:00

The faire is underway. Last weekend was beautiful for opening weekend, nice cool weather that allowed for the hot, elaborate costumes that usually kill us in St. Louis' hot and humid spring.
Here's to another three weekends of great weather, great friends and great drinking.

Obama Secures U.S. Rum Supply

2009-05-21T15:08:00.000-05:00

EDIT: This just in, it isn't a shop. It was a gag photo taken to be the punchline for a joke at the White House Correspondents Dinner about engaging our friends and enemies diplomatically. The pirate is Obama's speechwriter Cody Keenan.

Attention Air Pirates

2009-01-21T07:58:00.000-06:00

Here is an interesting new take on goggles that I like and I figured some other steampunks out there would appreciate. Beer goggles.

Send this guy the bottles and he cuts them into glasses for you, fitting them with whatever lenses you want from tints to prescription lenses. Or you can just take this idea and run with it if you have the tools necessary to cut them yourself.

Definitely an interesting set of goggles. I want some.

A Return to the Days of Olde

2009-01-08T20:12:00.001-06:00

The U.S. has announced an international anti-piracy force. Their statement, released yesterday, says the task force will made up of 20 nations, and will be led by U.S. Navy Rear Admiral Terence McKnight.
I wonder if the East India Trading Company is also involved.

The Somali Pirate Shanty

2008-12-17T10:47:00.000-06:00

Back From Shore Leave

2008-12-14T23:28:00.001-06:00

I took a brief shore leave today to visit a fencing tournament in the Barony of the Shattered Crystal. That's the barony I consider home, despite living in the Three Rivers, mainly due to knowing more people there and never having actually been to a Three Rivers event. It was a lot of fun seeing some scallywags and wenches that I don't see very often.

Time to Set Sail

2008-12-01T17:41:00.000-06:00

I'm sailing without my wench, again. It seems she chose to return to an old familiar port of harbor. Perhaps this whole time, I was just a last run of excitement before she settles down. Or, she may randomly run out on her port whenever she gets bored and keep going back for as long as he lets her.

Either way, I'm sailing alone now. There will be more wenches on more shore leaves.

As they've said in Full Frontal Nerdity, "Women are like player characters. Sure the breakups can be bloody and gruesome, but you can always roll up another one."

Those Wacky Somali Pirates

2008-11-18T16:17:00.000-06:00

As if they were a cross between Danny Ocean and Jack Sparrow, these crazy guys are always planning the next great caper. The latest, if you haven't heard, is capturing a Saudi Arabian oil tanker carrying two million barrels of crude oil. I'm not sure where they can sell that much oil, or if it's just the thrill of the capture at this point.
They are calling this their "most audacious hijack to date", though I still think the Ukrainian weapons load was a great haul. Still, I'm sure there's many who would say the greatest threat they possess is the possible delay of video games.
The biggest mystery, and perhaps one that will cause a cursed band of undead pirates to be marauding soon, is the unknown shipment from Iran that the pirates returned for ransom before UN inspectors could see its contents. Please, though, they are pirates, behaving as pirates and doing things that pirates do. There's no need to compare them to terrorists.

Crystal Ball

2008-11-09T13:51:00.000-06:00

Last night was the Shattered Crystal Barony's Crystal Ball. My own pirate wench was only able to make it for a short time, though we did get to do a couple Russian dances together, so I spent the rest of the night dancing with random women that could never compare, even if they did all come from the same land from which Pasqualina hails.
Still, the Crystal Ball is a fun time in which strange people come together to dance to songs from several hundred years ago. T'would be better if they chose a more alcohol friendly site, though. Dancing without alcohol? A strange way for a pirate to spend the night, certainly, but still fun.
After the ball I met my wench for food at the inn that pays her to look pretty, then took her home.

Heading into Autumn

2008-11-02T09:17:00.001-06:00

It seems I've been neglecting myself and have come down with a nasty case of the Scurvy. I need to find more Vitamin C sources before this sets in too bad.

A Pirate in Retail

2008-10-25T18:48:00.000-05:00

Today was a hectic day selling costumes to the masses. A lot of people asked if this was my real facial hair. Of course, I said. They said I looked like a real ppirate. I tried to explain that I am a real pirate, some people just don't get it.

I'm glad to be home with a beer now.

Pasqualina

2008-10-22T20:23:00.000-05:00

My lovely rum wench turned a quarter century today.

Happy Birthday, Love!

Pirate Wenches in Landscape

2008-10-18T23:29:00.000-05:00

A while back, I was looking for a good background image to put on the desktop of my ship's log. This resulted in a long night of searching for the elusive pictures of hot pirate wenches in the suitable landscape format. Much to my chagrin, this is a subset of photography that is seriously lacking.

There is the lovely work of Tiger Lee, but most of his work is done in portrait layout. Makes sense, since he mostly looks for wenches to fill his calendar and the pages of Pirates Magazine. Good work, you should check it out, but not what I needed.

I decided then that I should find some lovely lasses and do a photo shoot with them at the Pirate Fest in St. Louis. Due to distractions, first bad, then very, very good, I forgot that mission. I was recently reminded of this idea, and of the fact that I have the loveliest of all pirate wenches at my disposal. She has even offered to recruit others to the cause.

I will have my desktop background. Oh yes, I will. I haven't decided on sharing yet, but I tend to be generous when I have a lot of treasure. Not the hoarding type, here.

Real Pirates Wear Eyeliner

2008-10-17T19:54:00.000-05:00

My wench, Pasqualina, has suggested that I tell everyone about a website from which I have discovered and acquired an essential part of my nautical garb. Since she's often worth listening to, I decided to heed her advice with this particular topic. It is, after all, a very important topic for a lot of newcomers to piracy.

Eyeliner.

Yes real pirates wear eyeliner. But we're not talking Maybaline here. Real pirates don't wear that greasy, no run, make you look twenty years younger crap. Real pirates wear kohl. And the website linked above has real kohl eyeliner pencils imported from India and made with the traditional components used for centuries. If it was good enough 300 years ago, then it's good enough now!

The kohl is not just for looks, mind you. Though it does make some pirates (read me) look particularly dashing, it also serves the purpose of reflecting sunlight away from the eyes and helping to protect from anything floating in the air toward your eyes.

Other acceptable eye protection would be sunglasses. Colonial Williamsburg sells some very nice reproductions of a style popularized in 1750. You may have to spend some time explaining that to people when they accuse you of being a hippy, but no one will say that when you're in full garb.

This has been a public service announcement, we now return you to your regularly scheduled delusions of grandeur.

I've been putting this off for too long

2008-10-16T16:18:00.000-05:00

It's about time I kept a proper ship's log. Somewhere that I can chronicle my piratical adventures without getting them mixed into the mundane everyman I pretend to be while on shore leave. (You can't go advertising your profession while surrounded by the governor's militia)

I won't take too much time recapping past adventures, this isn't my memoirs. But I suppose I should touch briefly on what has been keeping me busy up until late.

We had a festival of sorts here in the river city in the past month. I lost a member of me crew, making it a very somber (not sober) occasion. Though I also picked up a new wench, who has turned out to be a wonderful addition to my wacky delusions.
You'll find her at Landlocked Piracy. It's nice to find a wench after me own heart. No need to warm her up to the idea of the open seas for this one.

Most recently, I was introduced to my wench's piratical cohorts during a mighty fine gathering. I was received well and found them to be good people. I look forward to another gathering in the not too distant future.

As a first post goes, I've already said too much. I won't bother you with trying to recap every event up until now. As I try to concentrate on the future, rather than the past, anyway.

I'll let you know later where the wind has taken me.